Clothing Critic Gifts

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This Spring Try Life's End: Clothing For People Who Have Just Given Up

"My tailor just won't accept that I've grown as a person."

"Do you have any camouflage pants? I want to hide my hips."

"And we do a particularly good class of wool for pulling over designers' eyes..."

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'The fad is to wear hospital staff uniforms - not patient gowns!'

'So durables are goods that last 3 years or more. What's that make the pants you're wearing, eternals?'

"...Now will you believe me! It's too...big!"

'You're not wearing that vest to the doctors.'

Style Consultant

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

'forget men. I can't even find clothes I want to go out with more than once.'

'All statement-making is up to you!'

"This would be perfect! If it were a different style, in a different color, from a different store."

'Size zero, at last!'

The Graveyard of Jeans That Didn't Quite Fit

Les Bons Bourgeois - Man who cant get his suit on blaming his tailor

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

Shrink Resistant Shirts. That means they shrink but they don't want to.

Zoo. The idea to dress the animals in clothes in not working out well. The leopard refuses to try anything new. A leopard will never change its spots. Ironically, the penguins are most uncomfortable on casual Friday. Penguins like their formal wear. If I get a button off line when dressing the girafde, I'll be behind schedule all day. Worst of all, zebras has a horrible fashion sense. Yikes! Stripes with plaids!

Overalls/Underalls

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"That shirt is so last year."

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Non-Uniform Day Today.

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'