Fashion Critic Gifts

Undercover Fashion Police

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

Non-Uniform Day Today.

'Of course I support poor children. That's why I bought this dress, handmade by a 12-years old Indian girl that earns only 30 cents a day.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"Since I'm not poor like you, I can afford to have scruples. . . I would never buy cheap clothes made with child labour."

"I suppose it all started with casual Fridays."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'Good heavens, Henderson - they're wearing brown shoes!'

"If she was a little skinnier she would make a great super-model."

'Well, I find it intimidating. I mean, any minute they could fall down completely!'

'Faux fur? Oh, well, that's faux blood.'

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

'You would never catch ME wearing white after labor day.'

'I've found black to be a very slimming color.'

'The only thing worse than this sensitivity training course is that tie of yours.'

'Never discuss politics with your hairdresser.'

'And if a plane crash isn't horrible enough... being on TV worldwide, dead and wearing such an ugly dress...'

"The suspect was described as wearing totally pedestrian bluejeans, an indifferent gray sweatshirt, and a trucker's cap, without the slightest sense of irony."

Woman in a fur coat being booed by leopards.

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

As ever it was impossible to avoid the unsightliness of the vested interests.

'Speeding, yukky car color, lousy haircut, ugly necktie...'

"What?"

"OK, I'll learn to walk, but just so I can boycott Ivanka's shoes."

"Nobody told me it was formal."

'Yo dude, what's up? Geez, where did you get that butt-ugly tie from? By the way, I'm here to learn about empathy and diplomacy, man!'

"That's what I call coastal pollution."

Clothing for old white men . . .

"It was insured for everything except coolness depreciation. Two years old and apparently it's a write-off."

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Sweat-pants make you fat.'

"That style dates you terribly !"

"Sagging your pants was started in prisons as a way to let other inmates know you already had a boyfriend."