Shopping Commentator Gifts

Man in carriage waiting for shopping wife

Cut Price

A women in a shoeshop.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

A young couple selects items from a shop.

Sign Reform

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Pirates at the mall.

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Self-Checkout.

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'I've got it written down...'

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"