Retail Commentator Gifts

Ye Mask shoppe

'The recession is over, again.'

Sign Reform

"Everything's gone up."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"After seeing the benefits of web analytics, Amy hoped to learn something by attaching cookies to customers who visited her store."

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Well SOME people might see it as buying a load of useless, overpriced rubbish but I see it as a brave attempt on my part to support a flagging retail sector."

Mall Ahead - Be prepared to shop.

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

How America Was Re-Won

For the new gardener.

"He's a genius at product placement."

"I increase my small pension by working as an expert on selling anti-incontinence products!"

"I just discovered where the company's money is going. Since when did we start paying our employees?"

Heart vending machine.

Invent Sales Day

'After nine commercials I've forgotten what film we were watching.'

"Dear, what the name of that company I'm the CEO of again?"

'Anyone can sell. It's keeping it sold that's the art.'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

Man in carriage waiting for shopping wife

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. . . already marked down for clearance and it's not even Halloween yet."

'Quick, Henson - seal the exits, call the police and get a pathologist in here to determine the exact time he left the payroll!'

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'