Shoplifting Humor Lover Gifts

"Sir, would you mind coming with me?!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"How much is the sign?"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Pirate trying on parrots.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

Great moments in shopping

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Shop signs.

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

'It's you.'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

Fresh milk - Self service

Missing Person: Last seen shopping

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

'The store was out of light bulbs, so I got lite beer instead.'

'This has been our most successful closing down sale ever.'

'You've not been panic buying shoes again?'

I shopped in the Garden of Eden.

"It was an impulse purchase."

"You never buy anything I want."

Bed, Bath & Younder