Sheriff Story Fan Gifts

"Head for the carrousel! It's our only chance!"

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

Billy. The Kid.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Cat Burglar

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"Reach for the sky, stranger."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

"Say, you were right, Sheriff, this is the best way to keep up with the 'Space-Hopper Gang'."

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

The Lawman

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

Moses as a mobster.

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'