Shellfish Buff Gifts

Clam Philosophy

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

The Food Chain

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'I don't mind being caught,it's that kissing I hate.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Get on with it!

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

Protoplasm

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'Dude, someone put a sign on your front.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I can hear the sea boiling."

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

'Hey, you little punks wouldn't be trying to swamp me, would you?'

In the eighties, Americans knew how to be Americans. Big cars. Big radios. Big hair. Everything was big. Unfortunately, I was so buff that all my huge stuff looked tiny in comparison. So I would loan my stuff to the skinniest, wimpiest kid I could find. Hold this. Let me reminisce vicariously through you. (Sigh.) Those were the days. Is it working?

Tug Of War

Oysters in June - delicious!

Angler's bait

Small Clams Court

Lifeguard... Lifetime funds manager

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

Spider Clown.

"Yes, that'll be fine. I think my wife would like something to drink too."

"That chew toy was boring, so I got on your computer. Apparently, neither one of you has a clue about basic computer security and maintenance."

"Just a few more steps Wilson, we're still walking."

'If you could learn to open up a little, you might make a few more sales.'

'It's a variation of the South Beach diet -- we bury you in the sand till you lose fifty pounds.'

"Do you swear to tell the truth and hill truth and nothing but the truth?"