Bottle Buff Gifts

"Have I (hic) godda deal for you."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Okay, which is it; the wine you served the Stewarts 6 weeks ago, or the wine you're serving them 6 weeks from now?'

'The merlot is 100 merlot; the pinot noir is 100 pinot noir, and the chardonnay is 100 Swiss chard.'

Wine Tasting Club

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'You people in Napa really take your wine seriously.'

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'Ooh, this is an old one. I'll bet it's worth its weight in oil.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

A man polishes a giant wine bottle.

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

"Yes, that'll be fine. I think my wife would like something to drink too."

A Good Batch.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

The Alpha Seltzer

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Surreal ale

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

French horn.

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'