Shell Sympathizer Pillows

Tortoise, with another inside shell, says 'Hard times - I've had to take in a lodger.'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'It says here that later in life they were able to patch things up and became best of friends.'

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"That's his answer to everything!"

"The government doesn't understand me."

Rodins rotten juggler

"I thought they only used the ink for protection..."

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"Stop trying to change me!!"

'Of all the useless things: They're killing our babies to make fashionable fur coats!'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Sorry to hear about your accident.

"Life at the ant farm was horrible! All the walls were see-through: no privacy!"

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

Innocent Civilians

"Next show, stick to the routine, balance balls and jump out of the water: Why on earth did you try to tell jokes!"

Fish - Catch and Release Stress

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'

They killed the monster!

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'Here kitty...here kitty...'

"These wedding invitations are getting ridiculous..."