Shell Sympathizer Gifts

Tortoise, with another inside shell, says 'Hard times - I've had to take in a lodger.'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'It says here that later in life they were able to patch things up and became best of friends.'

"Let me take that for you."

Rodins rotten juggler

"That's his answer to everything!"

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"The government doesn't understand me."

"He made millions and we got a bad rap. Why has no one eaten Spielberg?"

"I thought they only used the ink for protection..."

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"Stop trying to change me!!"

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'Of all the useless things: They're killing our babies to make fashionable fur coats!'

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Sorry to hear about your accident.

"Next show, stick to the routine, balance balls and jump out of the water: Why on earth did you try to tell jokes!"

'We may be good eggs, but we're not perfect. We all have a fallen nature.'

"Life at the ant farm was horrible! All the walls were see-through: no privacy!"

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

Innocent Civilians

Fish - Catch and Release Stress

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'

"These wedding invitations are getting ridiculous..."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'Here kitty...here kitty...'