Supernatural Sympathizer Gifts

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"I'm the bad guy..."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

"Do I have to go out again!?"

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"The government doesn't understand me."

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I feel like I'm persecting."

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

"I'm going to the store—do we need anything?"

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.

"I keep climbing this water spout. The rain washes me out. Then out comes the sun and dries up the rain. So what do I do? I climb right back up again. Talk about a rut."

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

Scary Slug Stories

"Bloody satellites..!"

'Flamin' tourists...'

Snail to Slug.

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

and WHAT is this thing stuck in my back garden..?

"Okay, who finished the brains and left the empty container?!"

Sauron's Sore Eye

"Stop trying to change me!!"

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"