Sin Sympathizer Gifts

"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

"The Devil's Advocate." Press Room. At last, Ernie, the first edition of our newspaper is ready to go! Did we cover all seven deadly sins? I think so ... We've got greed in the business section, sloth in the leisure section, gluttony in the restaurant reviews and lust in the movie reviews. How about envy and pride? Envy in the gossip column, pride in birth announcements. Okay, but how about wrath? Hey, the opinion section is full of it!

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

"I keep climbing this water spout. The rain washes me out. Then out comes the sun and dries up the rain. So what do I do? I climb right back up again. Talk about a rut."

"What I want for Christmas is to have the day off and watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'."

Scary Slug Stories

Snail to Slug.

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."