Sin Sympathizer Pillows

"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

Scary Slug Stories

Snail to Slug.

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

'Yes, we;re a value-orientated investment fund.'

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'