Supernatural Sympathizer Pillows

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"I'm the bad guy..."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

"Do I have to go out again!?"

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"The government doesn't understand me."

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I feel like I'm persecting."

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"I'm going to the store—do we need anything?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

"Bloody satellites..!"

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

'Flamin' tourists...'

Snail to Slug.

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"Stop trying to change me!!"

"Okay, who finished the brains and left the empty container?!"

Sauron's Sore Eye

and WHAT is this thing stuck in my back garden..?

Scary Slug Stories

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"