Cyborg Sympathizer Pillows

"What do you mean I hurt his feelings?! He's a robot! He doesn't have any feelings!"

Coronavirus Sisyphys

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

Artificial hearts.

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

Robot about to eat a battery

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

Rodins rotten juggler

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

"I am fully functional again!"

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

"There you are!"

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.

"I keep climbing this water spout. The rain washes me out. Then out comes the sun and dries up the rain. So what do I do? I climb right back up again. Talk about a rut."

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

A man pushes a glitterball up a mountain

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

Snail to Slug.

Scary Slug Stories

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Mitt-Bot's Amazing Origins

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'