Spectacle Sympathizer Pillows

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

"Hugh fans!"

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

Rodins rotten juggler

"The government doesn't understand me."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. I'd like you to see another specialist. His office is closer to the eye chart."

Snail to Slug.

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

"Stop trying to change me!!"

Scary Slug Stories

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Trust me, I'm in PR."

Sorry to hear about your accident.

"Brian says in 1976 we just got on with it."

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."