Sentence Sympathizer Gifts

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

"I'm the bad guy..."

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

"Let me take that for you."

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"What are you crying about? You're the one who wins all the awards."

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

Scary Slug Stories

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

Snail to Slug.

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

Sauron's Sore Eye

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

"Do you have any reading material that doesn't mock the sedentary life?"

Mayakovskiy V.V.

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Sorry to hear about your accident.

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

"Brian says in 1976 we just got on with it."

Innocent Civilians

'I'm sorry, but we did all we could to try and save your husband, Mrs. Doornail.'