Shelf Life Aficionado Gifts

'I recommed that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life.'

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"Wow! You've made a lovely job of those shelves in the hallway Gary!"

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

'-and what makes YOU so sure my missus is waiting up for me?'

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

Comfort zone

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

"Justin isn't sleeping, he's giving his brain a rest."

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

"When's the TV due back from the workshop?"

"Perhaps someone who lived life a bit less fully."

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

Camper special! PORK 'N' BEANS...50 gallons...only $49.99...Limit: 3 per customer.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Elder Assist Bird: 'I'm not going to tell you again! Take your ***** pills!'

'How do you like your new, 'self rising armchair', Mum?'

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

'Great Books' 'Good Books' 'Trash'

'Organizing by alcohol content may have been a mistake. We've had to replace the floor eight times.'

'Ideally, I'd like to work with my hands.'

"Honey! There's a Mr. Beth here to see you."

Congratulations on your Plutonium Anniversary