Shelf Life Aficionado Gifts

'I recommed that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life.'

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"Wow! You've made a lovely job of those shelves in the hallway Gary!"

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

I spent my whole career studying the effects of cloning on aging. What did you find? Same old, same old. Plainwell Brew.

'-and what makes YOU so sure my missus is waiting up for me?'

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

Comfort zone

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

"Justin isn't sleeping, he's giving his brain a rest."

"When did I change from seizing the day to just seething?"

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

"When's the TV due back from the workshop?"

'How do you like your new, 'self rising armchair', Mum?'

Camper special! PORK 'N' BEANS...50 gallons...only $49.99...Limit: 3 per customer.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Perhaps someone who lived life a bit less fully."

Elder Assist Bird: 'I'm not going to tell you again! Take your ***** pills!'

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

'. . . as shelves go it's okay - but I like to feel that my best work is ahead of me!'

'Organizing by alcohol content may have been a mistake. We've had to replace the floor eight times.'

'Great Books' 'Good Books' 'Trash'

Rarely leaving the house and working just steps away from my refrigerator has expanded my waistline. A homebody!