Sheepish Humorist Gifts

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

Sheep-farts contribute to global warming...

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."

"I made you a face warmer."

'Let's go and lean against one of the vibrators.'

'Ready Rex?' - A possible dilemma.

Sheep Road Block

"We seem to have lost Bo Peep for the moment, we'll try and get her back, meanwhile..."

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"So. . . what have you been doing all day. . . ?"

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'So when the bottom fell out of sheep shearing I had to find something else...'

"And in the beginning Mary begat a little lamb"

'When you said 'See ewe in my office' sir, I thought...'

'How are the cloning experiments of shepherds going?'

"It's an entry-level position, but I was assured it would just be for a few years."

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.

Small Clams Court

"Was that me or did the oven buzzer go off?"

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making Ewe talk.'

'Will you watch out! You're swarming in my way!'

"Great, just great! School photos are tomorrow..."

'I have no idea how many I have in my flock. Every time I start counting them I fall asleep.'

Sheep eye test: Bah bah bah...

'Now that she is pregnant, can she have a rhinoceros injection and a Catholic operation?

'See? When we both make that little jog to the right at the last minute...'

'I'm just adding to my collection of figurines.'

'If I hear one more bleat from the jury box, I'm declaring mistrial.'

No one bleats about fleece club!

'I bin treatin' her myself...took a course in vetinery once...

'Honey, did you happen to look behind you, before you walked through that door?'

'That's What Sheep Said.'