Sharp-tongued Sage Gifts

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

Barry Cryer.

"I'm bad with languages. The only foreign sounding phrase I know is crack-a-brewski."

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

Having a senior moment

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"It says we're incompatible, I'm Virgo and you're stupid."

"Don't be discouraged. Do it over, monitor the results...write your paper."

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"I can see by the sudden appearance of little dishes of hard candy in every room, Veronica, that we have finally entered our golden years."

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

'I'd sooner be dead than be buried here...'

Liv Ullmann