Speech Sage Gifts

"You know, Ed, it's not so much what you say, it's how you say it."

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

Voltaire

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

"Are you working on a vaccine for Covid-19?"

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

'She said her first 'I hate you' today.'

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

How To Cut The Defense Budget

Help me COVI one ten O.B. you're my only hope

"Don't repeat this."

'So, the memo said, 'twenty-one gnu salute' huh?'

Interpreter for the hard-to-believe-what-they're-hearing.

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Man picking up an H for a lady who drops her Hs

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

"Oh, do stick it adjectively adverbially where the 'effin' sun don't shine!"

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

Jules Henri Poincare

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

Never being able to think of the right thing to say at the right time phobia.