Sermon Savant Gifts

"Look, Mom. A Valentine theme."

Priest and mobile

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

Felix Mendelssohn

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Attendance is up, but they tune out my sermon to play wordle."

Sir Edward Elgar

Antonin Leopold Dvorak

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Poetry repairman

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

Male On Sunday

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Anton Bruckner.

'No more Mr. Nice Guy...'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"I'll recommend your book if you recommend mine."

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

'More options!'

Benjamin Britten

Please follow safe worship practices.

Doug Coe

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."