Seminar Savant Gifts

'I'll be away for a few days, sir - I'm attending a conference of conference organizers.'

Landing on your feet.

"Yes, we can hear well at the back, but I'd be happy to change seats with anyone who can't..."

Felix Mendelssohn

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Who cares what she thinks? Grow a pair and buy the damn thing.'

Sir Edward Elgar

Antonin Leopold Dvorak

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

Computer grabs man and tells him to stop it.

I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. we forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we'd hoped to use died in 1958

I'm afraid your hour is up, Al� I'm resume talking you down next week at the usual time.

Anton Bruckner.

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

"I'll recommend your book if you recommend mine."

Sergei Prokofiev.

"The lost password department's that way."

Seminars for Sycophants

Annoucement

Benjamin Britten

'You can see concrete things, but not abstract things.'

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

'Here's a song that's been done to death.'

'Alright! Alright! So I made a mistake!'

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

Priest and mobile

Ludwig van Beethoven

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"

'Where did he learn to carry a tune?'

The apes make advances in grooming techniques.

Benjamin Britten.

Wow! He can hear a song just once and then play it? Yeah, he has a phonographic memory!

Pub Quiz: 'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'