Simile Savant Gifts

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"

Felix Mendelssohn

Someone who knows apostrophes

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

'I'm afraid it wouldn't work out, Kevin. You say 'data is' and I say 'data are'.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

East End Maps.

Sir Edward Elgar

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

The breakup

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

Antonin Leopold Dvorak

Foundation for the Syntactically Challenged

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

'Marketing reports they're fooled all of the people all of the time.'

Let's tell the folks in the Garlic Belt there's no budget for steps 2 and 3.

Tarzan mobile phone

'We need to change our marketing strategy.'

Ted Rall Hired by Pando. Thoughts?

The Good Breathing Guide

Office of the PR of the United States

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"House red, sir?"