Senior Raconteur Gifts

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

"Hearing aids. What did you wish for?"

"Remember toothache!!!"

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'

"I'm the writer, executive producer, and star of my fibs."

Old People Whisperer

'I've got so many aches and pains that a new one would have to wait a week before I could feel it.'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Remember when self respect and respect for elders were too different things?'

"Last night I spent some time organizing my thoughts..."

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

'...And before I knew it, I'd delegated ALL my authority!'

'Howdy, Millie, how's your incontinence?'