Senior Storytelling Gifts

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

Cats on Board.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

'Grandpa, what was manufacturing?'

Not-so-easy listening...

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"It's a fortuitous coincidence that the greatest moments in music history were when I was in high school."

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Life begins at 60

"Hearing aids. What did you wish for?"

"Remember toothache!!!"

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

At the Old Bikers' Home

An old man and young man who are mirror images of each other pass on a street

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

"Too bad we only see each other when we're hungry! I know! Let's go on a date, a real date!"

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

'Just a minute, Mom...Grandpa needs help getting the child-proof caps off his medication bottles.'

'I'm ninety-seven years old and I still have all my own teeth.'

Old People Whisperer