Senior Storytelling Gifts

'I won't have any drops today, nurse. It's raining so much...'

Cats on Board.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'Grandpa, what was manufacturing?'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

Not-so-easy listening...

"It's a fortuitous coincidence that the greatest moments in music history were when I was in high school."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Life begins at 60

Old Geezers Erupting Every Hour on the Hour.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"Hearing aids. What did you wish for?"

"Remember toothache!!!"

"Those speedbumps are there for a reason, Mrs. Gunderson."

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

At the Old Bikers' Home

An old man and young man who are mirror images of each other pass on a street

'Grandpa, what was the most romantic thing you ever tweeted grandma?'

Yeah, I'm taking care of my parents now, too.

"Too bad we only see each other when we're hungry! I know! Let's go on a date, a real date!"

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

'I got up for something - but now I can't remember what it was.'

'Just a minute, Mom...Grandpa needs help getting the child-proof caps off his medication bottles.'

Old People Whisperer