Senior Moment Humorist Gifts

'Honey, I'm growing old... I forgot the contract for the important customer, I forgot a meeting, I even forgot my purse and the office key...' - 'Excuse me, but... who are you?!'

Senior Jeopardy!

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Toothless Meal

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"So you admit to flashing your new teeth at pretty ladies?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.