Senior Moment Gifts

"Marie, are you still driving?"

Senior Jeopardy!

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

"My memory's not too good these days."

Computer Jobs

Woman says, 'How did your memory improvement class go last night?' Man answers, 'I completely forgot about it!'

Life begins at 60

"Those speedbumps are there for a reason, Mrs. Gunderson."

'Now where did I put that cape?'

"Welcome to your new home, Dad."

The Name Brain

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Mine does the same...a loud involuntary groan every time he sits or gets up.'

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

These retirement do's aren't as wild as I remember!

Old Lady Playing Video Game Knitting

"Geez, my memory is getting bad." "How bad is it?" "How bad is what?"

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

"... Yes, Miss Mawdsley. I think it will be safe for you to come off the pill now."

"Vocabulary lesson. Billy Corey taught me the meaning of the word trouble."

'You get the feeling we're getting too familiar?'

'I remember my pin, but I've forgotten my name!'

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

You can't say I'm too old to drive. Road rage is the only thing keeping me alive.