Senior Moment Gifts

"Marie, are you still driving?"

Senior Jeopardy!

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

Computer Jobs

"My memory's not too good these days."

Woman says, 'How did your memory improvement class go last night?' Man answers, 'I completely forgot about it!'

Life begins at 60

The Name Brain

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

'Now where did I put that cape?'

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Mine does the same...a loud involuntary groan every time he sits or gets up.'

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

These retirement do's aren't as wild as I remember!

"Geez, my memory is getting bad." "How bad is it?" "How bad is what?"

"... Yes, Miss Mawdsley. I think it will be safe for you to come off the pill now."

'. . . before we rob the bank, let's synchronise our pacemakers!

'You get the feeling we're getting too familiar?'

"Vocabulary lesson. Billy Corey taught me the meaning of the word trouble."

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

'I remember my pin, but I've forgotten my name!'

You can't say I'm too old to drive. Road rage is the only thing keeping me alive.

"I said, is it Thursday?"