Senior Moment Enthusiast Gifts

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

Senior Jeopardy!

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Old Frogs' Home

James Bond: Senior Years.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

"My memory's not too good these days."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Woman says, 'How did your memory improvement class go last night?' Man answers, 'I completely forgot about it!'

"Marie, are you still driving?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

Toxic Relationship

"Show-off!"

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

'It's my prostate.'

'Now where did I put that cape?'

"Welcome to your new home, Dad."

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

The Name Brain

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.