Senior Humor Advocate Gifts

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'What'll it be?'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Toothless Meal

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Preserve these Wetlands.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

"A family party isn't complete until we all insult Tia Rosa's ex-husband."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!