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'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'What'll it be?'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Toothless Meal

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"A family party isn't complete until we all insult Tia Rosa's ex-husband."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

Preserve these Wetlands.

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.