Senior Family Friend Gifts

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

Antiques

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Why bother?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Senior Jeopardy!

Infantry.

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.