Senior Family Member Gifts

'I gotta go, my rides here.'

"In my day, we didn't ask for a raise, we demanded one!"

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'GASOLINE'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I didn't spark joy."

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Little help?"

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

Very Difficult Conversations

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Dancing Doctor

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Cardiac Recovery.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Babies vs. Dogs

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Swinging

'And this is Allan...he's the brain in the family!'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'