Elderly Family Member Gifts

All dressed up without the slightest idea why.

Tooth fairy flies away with dentures.

'No, Grand'pa! The dentist said, 'Floss your teeth'!'

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"Why bother?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Did you remember my mints?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Speed Dating.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Careful."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'I'm fighting ageing.'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

Toothless Meal

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

Remote Control Duck