Elderly Relative Gifts

"Did you remember my mints?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Wireless Access Here.

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

Chasing Pensions

Senior Olympics

Miami: Home of the Miami Relatives

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Having a senior moment

"Back in my day, we wore masks, stayed six feet apart, and lived for the moments in between panic attacks."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Post-Apocalypse Greeting Card

"I've brought you a plant to keep you company."

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

"I daresay you can't wait to get your hands on my royal teapot collection."

Fresh Eggs: Now With Free How To Suck Eggs Download!

'For heaven's sake nan, stop worrying about your gas bill and put the central heating on.'

Dino Snack

Senior Citizen Matinees. . .

'Mind if I check the expiration date on that milk?'

Varicose Brains

'Now I guess I'll just drive my kids up the wall.'

Officer, may I please keep the ammunition as a souvenir?

'I think we've won the lottery, Tiddles - do you think we'll get into trouble?'

"He specifically asked to be buried with this. It's the sneering contempt for modern popular culture he wore as a badge of honor."

'Don't look now, but I think you have a crook in your arm.'

'Let's be honest, Harlow. Nothing we do goes viral.'

It's a wireless.

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ..

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."