Elderly Relative T-Shirts

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Wireless Access Here.

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

Chasing Pensions

Miami: Home of the Miami Relatives

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

Having a senior moment

"Back in my day, we wore masks, stayed six feet apart, and lived for the moments in between panic attacks."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Post-Apocalypse Greeting Card

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

Fresh Eggs: Now With Free How To Suck Eggs Download!

'For heaven's sake nan, stop worrying about your gas bill and put the central heating on.'

Dino Snack

Senior Citizen Matinees. . .

'Mind if I check the expiration date on that milk?'

Varicose Brains

'Now I guess I'll just drive my kids up the wall.'

Officer, may I please keep the ammunition as a souvenir?

'I think we've won the lottery, Tiddles - do you think we'll get into trouble?'

"He specifically asked to be buried with this. It's the sneering contempt for modern popular culture he wore as a badge of honor."

'Don't look now, but I think you have a crook in your arm.'

'Let's be honest, Harlow. Nothing we do goes viral.'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Speed Dating.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.