Elderly Family Member T-Shirts

All dressed up without the slightest idea why.

Tooth fairy flies away with dentures.

'No, Grand'pa! The dentist said, 'Floss your teeth'!'

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"Why bother?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Careful."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Speed Dating.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Toothless Meal

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

Remote Control Duck

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'