Elder Relatives Gifts

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

"Are we aging in place?"

Remembering His Marbles

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

"Did you remember my mints?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Nothin' beats a wild block party.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Speed Dating.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

Dino Snack

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

"Remember the good old days, when all we had to worry about was a dollar-sixty-a-pound sirloin?"