Senior Family Member Pillows

'I gotta go, my rides here.'

My new app lets me change my voice to sound like anyone. I can sound like Beyonce

"In my day, we didn't ask for a raise, we demanded one!"

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'GASOLINE'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Licensed Therapist

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"I didn't spark joy."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Very Difficult Conversations

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Little help?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Dancing Doctor

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Cardiac Recovery.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

No caption (In the first frame a dog rides in a car with his head hanging out the window. The dog is smiling. In the next three frames the view gets progressively closer to his ear, until on the fourth frame a closeup is shown of a flea on the dogs ear. He too, is smiling).

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Swinging