Family Friend Gifts

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

"Mom sent us over while she gets the carpet cleaned."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

On your 80th birthday.

Patient charts

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"You can be the mom. I want to be the family friend who has plants instead of babies.'

'It's just a little gray fur...it makes you look distinguished!'

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

Infantry.

Who wants theirs well done?

"...and a special heartfelt thank you to Doctor Phillips whose tenacity and dedication gave the family strength to carry on."

"Oh, I almost forgot, how's your new grandson?"

Senior Jeopardy!

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

"Sure, it's interactive, but it's no Xbox Kinect."

As the Fleegersons approached the college's financial aid office, a strange force overcame Dan's wallet and Carol's handbag,

Mistaken baby ducks.

"It's a note from Junior!He's run away to join an accounting firm!!"

'You won't recognize junior, he has really grown.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"This is getting out of hand! Every time I drive up to the school, Gracie starts crying!"

Chemical Free Kids.

'He would have wanted it this way.'

Mr. Snawley enlarges on parental instinct

'Little Billie wanted to come along but we couldn't possibly take him with us.'

"I'll put you on the next flight, but first I have to type each of these keys ten million times."

David Copperfield is Hospitably Received by Mr Peggotty

Little Dorrit - Mr F's Aunt is Conducted into Retirement