Family Friend Pillows

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

"Mom sent us over while she gets the carpet cleaned."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

On your 80th birthday.

Patient charts

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"You can be the mom. I want to be the family friend who has plants instead of babies.'

'It's just a little gray fur...it makes you look distinguished!'

Senior Jeopardy!

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

Who wants theirs well done?

"Oh, I almost forgot, how's your new grandson?"

"...and a special heartfelt thank you to Doctor Phillips whose tenacity and dedication gave the family strength to carry on."

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

"I'll put you on the next flight, but first I have to type each of these keys ten million times."

David Copperfield is Hospitably Received by Mr Peggotty

Little Dorrit - Mr F's Aunt is Conducted into Retirement

Mr. Snawley enlarges on parental instinct

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'You won't recognize junior, he has really grown.'

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

"It's a note from Junior!He's run away to join an accounting firm!!"

Chemical Free Kids.

'He would have wanted it this way.'

Mistaken baby ducks.

'Little Billie wanted to come along but we couldn't possibly take him with us.'

"This is getting out of hand! Every time I drive up to the school, Gracie starts crying!"

"I can't for the life of me remember which recycling bin is which?"

"Can't you see? He needs both of us!"

"When Daddy says we're dead broke, he doesn't mean we're poor."