Family Friends Pillows

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"I can't keep track of him, but I trust Google can."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I've got the children busy finding a solution to the Middle East crisis...'

'Home haircuts for the family portrait.'

'Don't mention music while they're here. He's brought his tuba.'

It was a good idea to let the kids bring their friends...

"I sometimes wonder if these kids really live in the catchment area"

Phil discovered the eighties disco was not quite what he'd expected

Young Gums

"I'll keep saying I plan to go to law school as long as I get nods of approval when introduced to my parents' friends."

"The baby apologises for missing the Christening, he had an urgent appointment."

If money talks, then how come silence is golden?

Aunt Eater

"We tried matching your child's behavioral patterns with one of those new-fangled medical condition, but it turns out that he really is just a precocious little twerp!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"What we're trying to say, Todd, is your daddy's rich and your momma's good looking. We're not your real parents."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Shepherd and eurydice

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Wildlife

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Licensed Therapist

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."