Family Friend (doctor) Gifts

"The whole family had 'funny tummies' on holiday. I brought back the samples for you!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

Balloon Kids

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Infantry.

Senior Jeopardy!

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

Young Gums

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

Mistaken baby ducks.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sermon Applause.

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."