Medical Professional Friend Gifts

'I'm always like this, and my family was wondering if you could prescribe a mild depressant.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

"We couldn't connect. He kept spouting technobabble, and I, of course, kept coming back with psychobabble."

Nativity - The sitcom

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

"You remember us....from your garden."

'Help Doctor!! My baby swallowed a pencil!'

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

Tony Blair: The Early Years. 'I'm invisitble - nobody can see me!'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"You're at a teaching hospital. Hence, all the tests."

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

The NHS - 'I'm afraid years of neglect and abuse have left her in terminal decline.'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Dr. Cosgrove will be here in a minute. He's been cramming for this operation."

"At worst, You Honor, my client was an unwitting accomplice to the heinous crimes actually committed by this felonious knife."

"Your performance review will be done with the help of a co-host to lighten the mood a little."

'I used to hibernate without sleeping pills.'

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

"Every time we say we will uphold precedent, Trump tweets he wants us to uphold the president."