Self-sufficient Jokers Pillows

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

Lesbians for Christ

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

'That's what I said,dear-your dinner's in the chippie..'

"Kayakers Fred! Let's surface next to them and check the look on their faces!"

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

How electric eels "welcome" door-to-door salesmen

"But is it Organic?"

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

Watch for Men Being Supid

"The Seven Warning Signs of Seven Warning Signs"

The little rascal! He knows we're watching him and that he's safe next to his warren, so he's mooning us!

The Gardener's Calendar: If your fish pool is covered with ice...make a hole in it.

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

"It was worth a try."

How to avoid a heart attack.

"I took your advice."

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"So I'll have to believe it so see it?"

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'