Self-aware Jokester Pillows

'Wendall just had a great insight. He realised he's full of baloney.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Men dancing

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

"I modified the symbol for accuracy."

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Bart firmly believes that he is the result of intelligent design.

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

Politics Books

'I want you to know we're 100% sustainable now. We've phased out tarpits and switched to solar panels and double glazing!'

"Sister Maria has a bet every day...she has a habit!"

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

This Sleigh Carries No Recalled Chinese Toys.

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

Too-Humble Pie.

"Have you seen my sticks?"

'And I'm pleased to report that we were able to reduce our carbon footprint...'

"I thought we said no presents!"

'That's okay. These are my key people.'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'I'm just trying to protect the Queen.'

Freezing Penguins

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"