Self-aware Jokester Pillows

'Wendall just had a great insight. He realised he's full of baloney.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Men dancing

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"I modified the symbol for accuracy."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Bart firmly believes that he is the result of intelligent design.

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

Politics Books

'I want you to know we're 100% sustainable now. We've phased out tarpits and switched to solar panels and double glazing!'

This Sleigh Carries No Recalled Chinese Toys.

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

"Sister Maria has a bet every day...she has a habit!"

Too-Humble Pie.

'And I'm pleased to report that we were able to reduce our carbon footprint...'

"I thought we said no presents!"

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

'That's okay. These are my key people.'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

Freezing Penguins

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

Going Green