Mindful Jokester Pillows

'That's okay. These are my key people.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

Men dancing

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Leaving cards.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

Broad Minded

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'Hello? Animal control?'

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

The Scientist

Interrupted Shower.