Brainy Jokester Pillows

'Your car keys are under the sofa, and you like to wear women's shoes.'

With the brain being next to the ears, Ernie's started dwearing plugs --- He's heard "intelligence leaks" have been a big problem recently.

The Scientist

Tell me more about your kleptomania - Darn where did I put my notebook?

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Pyramid (Drawn from memory) (Pretty accurate)

"I think you should hire me for my vast software knowledge. . . and then pay for me to go learn software."

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'The problem seems to be in the memory bank.'

Leaving cards.

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

'I was told it required a log-in...'

"Come on, dear...you can't blame everything on Russian hackers."

Broad Minded

The Screeeen!

The Principal of Inertia.

Cloud computing.

'I got them walkie-talkies... that way they can argue up to one mile apart.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

Dr.Phil McGraw

"Stand back? corrupt file."

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

Politics Books

"An olive or a twist?"

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'