Brainy Humorist Pillows

"Hi you're on my brain"

'Think fast!'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Archimedes statue with a lever

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Schrödinger and his cat

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."