Self-aware Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Crime in bookshop

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

Trump Tariffs

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Inactivists"

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Prescription Drugs '96.

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"It's ironic. It looks like you're here because you're such a bad cartoonist."

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'