Self-aware Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Crime in bookshop

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Pokemon Get Lost

"Inactivists"

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"Wow! Check out the moon."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

Prescription Drugs '96.

Small Government Is Here

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."